Q14.What things do you always think about on a daily basis?

1 Aug

This will be Olive’s final answer to the Life In Perspective blog. She passed away on Friday 14th of July a few hours after she answered the question.

Now that I'm nearing 90, what I think about the most is what a joy it is to still be here with family and friends. Pottering in my lovely garden seeing blossoms grow, birds and bees popping in and out of my flowers, and next door's white rabbit breaking in romping about!
Plus what can I get for dinner today

People’s lives can be filled with innocuous tasks and thoughts that you don’t necessarily want to be thinking about. it’s good to break down the things that mean a lot to you and to pinpoint the more important questions and thoughts you want to be asking and thinking. It’s clear in this month’s question that people have definite trends, like worrying about people that are close to them and food. The two main thoughts really.

The things I think about on a daily basis are the same as my answer to the question “What scares you the most?”. I think every day about hoping I will live until my kids are old enough to cope and handle me dying. It is always in my mind and I hate it. Never has this felt more real than this week. I also think on a daily basis how content I am with my life and how happy my own family makes me feel, Especially my other half who makes me laugh every day whether I want to or not.
I think about boring things on a daily basis like what I want to do for the rest of the day or if I want to go out. The main thing I probably think about is what I will be doing in the future and wondering what I will end up doing for a job or if the people I have in my life now will still be there. I don’t really like thinking about the same things every day because I will get bored very easily if I do
The main things that come to mind is table tennis and badminton. I often fall asleep thinking about them and then wake myself up by hitting my partner because I’m swinging a racket in my head. Lately, though I’ve definitely given more thought to future jobs and what the near future will look like, where I will go when I drive and money. I've got the least amount of money I’ve had since I was 18 and the less I have the more of my daily thoughts get taken up by money.
Most of the things that I think about daily I would say start out positive, and throughout the day become more negative as the day goes on. I think about my kids, and how they are doing, and then that will turn to, I've got to try and see them more. The same is for my parents, but this probably stems from my father passing and the feeling that they won't always be here. A large chunk of what I am thinking lately is about my job, the feelings are always negative now, whereas in the past they were positive, being as I spend a large part of my life there it has to change, but the fear of change is holding me back.
Over the years I have found that if I overthink things, it's better for me to trust and act on my first thoughts, and try to block them out with podcasts at work, or the TV at home or any other thoughts as they are mostly negative. I read somewhere years ago that your first thoughts are often the answers or actions that you are looking for, and everything after is your personality either overthinking or worrying about that action and how it will affect you, it has seemed to work for me lately but it is hard sometimes. I find another way of not overthinking too much is to make myself busy, and taking over my father's allotment has been a godsend over the last few years, you don't have much time to be overthinking things when you have a composter to build, a fishpond to look after and a load of vegetables relying on you to keep them alive. The last thing that I think about, and the more I have thought about this question it has come up the most, is food, from the moment I wake until it's time for bed it's always on my mind, what to eat now?, what shall I have later?, have I got the ingredients?, when was the last time I had a curry, and is it too soon to have it again? Lately, I have been trying to cut out meat from my diet (medical not ethical), so thinking up things to eat has taken up a lot of my thoughts these days.
Now I'm thinking am I being too negative in what I have written, but I guess that must be me overthinking things.
I think that it varies so much depending on the day, what's happening at the time, if family are ill or have had accidents or something important is going on like exams etc. But generally a bit shallow I know but I will summarise. Weekdays sadly but mainly work what I need to do each day to achieve deadlines etc to get things done on time. Friday thank fuck for that the weeks over, I can have a good drink tonight. Saturday who are ManU playing and what are their chances of winning. Sunday bollocks back to work tomorrow. A bit more of a constant as I get older is looking forward to retirement and spending more time with my Mrs and all the things we can do with our free time.
At 93 I go through my life wondering where the time went and wondering if I will see more of the events happening in the world
I think about what I can do better in my life. This is because you should always, in my opinion, try and progress, try to figure out the best way to do something or find a way that is more effective and efficient.
Am I overthinking too much? Overthinking can sometimes be a bad thing but also good.
Pros, Thoughtfulness and Research. Cons, Making worse decisions and not enjoying the moment that you are in.
The thing I think about most is not letting people down. I think If I say I’m going to do something or be somewhere then I should do it and be present when I say I am or I arrange to be. Being an overthinker almost makes me think like that by default as any other outcome just gives me anxiety. I set my self standards I want to maintain with regard to relationships and work and I think I just don’t want to let anyone down. The thought of doing so can ruin my day knowing that I could have ruined theirs - even as far as the dog!
I think about my kids every day and worry about them. I just want them to be happy and enjoy their life. I take on a lot of their stresses and try to think of solutions and good advice I can give them.
What am I going to eat? - literally fucked off with thinking about what am I going to eat all the time and then thinking how am I going to get it and how am I going to cook it. I love food but Sometimes I wish I was a little scruffy goat that just eats grass all day and couldn’t give a toss.
I’m constantly thinking about being content and the things that make me content or what will make me content in the future. I don’t think you can be content without doing or giving something for it first. I love driving home from work every day knowing I’ve done my bit and I’ve earned my chill. Same applies with spending time with my kids, walking the dog, playing football or keeping my house tidy, whatever I need to do. Once I’ve done it I’ve earned my chill and I think about what I need to do next all the time to feel that contentment every day.